“My cat literally could have written a better novel.”

“It was bland, everything was forgettable. The struggle to finish it was REAL.”

“Recommends it for: no one, not even my worst enemy.”

These are just a sampling of one-star reviews I found for some of my favorite books on Goodreads. I won’t say which books, but it definitely broke my heart a little to hear some of these books that I personally loved described in such a way.

But here’s the thing: readers are allowed to have their opinions of books, even if we as authors don’t like them. Everyone truly does have different tastes. Diversity is a beautiful part of being human. And a beautiful part of being an author is taking the risk of putting your words out into the world for people to judge.

It’s incredibly vulnerable.

It’s also incredibly terrifying.

You pour so much of your heart and soul into something, and then when it is ridiculed or thrown back in your face, you feel like the reader hasn’t just rejected your work, but they’ve rejected you as a person. Ouch! No wonder it hurts!

I often hear people say “Well, this is what you signed up for. You chose to get published, so you chose to take this risk.” And yes, they do have a valid point. I’m not entirely sure why authors feel the need to put their creative works in front of an audience, but I do have a theory. And it is my hope, that this theory validates and encourages my fellow writers.

I’m a debut author, which means this year is my first as a published author. But, I am also a human being with many more facets than just being an author. I am a teacher, a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend, a daughter. I am also a grad student working to finish a masters in clinical counseling. It is truly amazing to me how much crossover I’m seeing between these worlds of publishing and psychology.

For example: this issue that author’s face when dealing with negative reviews. It happens to all of us, even the very best of us. Go check the reviews for Stephen King, Dan Brown, Brandon Sanderson, Octavia Butler, or JK Rowling. I promise you will find one-star reviews, some of which might even seem pretty severe.

I’ve heard countless times (and I’m sure you have too) how we just need to focus on the positive reviews and ignore the negative ones. That every reader has different tastes. That even ancient historical sites like Stonehenge have bad reviews (seriously, someone knocked Stonehenge for the rocks being “too small”). Perspective.

So if ALL writers get bad reviews, and we should just focus on the positive, why is it something we all still struggle with? Why does each negative review feel like it sticks to your soul like gum on the bottom of your shoe, and yet good reviews roll off your back as effectively as water off a raincoat?

The answer: your brain.

Here’s the thing. We are pack animals, designed to live in groups and tribes. Our very survival, from the moment we are born, depends on relationships with other human beings. It is how we found food, water, shelter, even mates. It’s how we provided for our children. It’s how we avoided getting eaten by saber-toothed tigers.

Acceptance in your tribe was essential for surivival.

If you were cast out or rejected—for whatever reason—your chances of survival were… well, pretty much nil. Enjoy being dinner.

And the same thing rings true today in the world of publishing. We all still crave to be a part of our group. Our tribe. We long for acceptance because in a world as cutthroat and vicious as it can be out there, acceptance is essential for survival. The opinions of those reviewers, those book bloggers, those readers, even other authors—they are your tribe. They determine whether you will survive or be cast out into the wilderness of the Amazon (Ha! See what I did there!? Sorry, I couldn’t help myself).

As authors and artists, we express a lot of who we are through our art. We do pour our hearts and souls into our work. Then, because we do crave a level of social acceptance (even when we hate to admit it), we share those parts of ourselves because we hope that we will be seen. That we will be understood and validated. That we will be accepted.

When that Kirkus review comes back without any stars, or that book blogger felt offended by something you wrote, or that literary critic blasted your authenticity, it stings more than just your ego. You brain interprets those events as threats to your literary survival, the means for which you are trying to build and establish a career. Maybe just to support yourself, but also maybe to support your family too. If you are “cast out”, that could mean drops in sales, lost contracts, lost relationships, loss of livelihood. The reviews are a direct reflection of your status in “the tribe”, and your brain is hyper aware of any sign that you might be in danger of being cast out.

Our brains are wired to scan for threats, and good reviews are not threats. Your brain recognizes them as good, yes, but then quickly lets them go. According to Rick Hanson in his book Hardwired for Happiness, “the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.” Once something is deemed safe, the brain often goes right back to scanning for threats.

So what can we do? How do we combat that as authors who signed up for the potential of continual social rejection?

Here is my best advice:

1. Validate what you’re feeling.

We must not shame ourselves for being hurt over bad reviews. Avoid reading them if you can, but sometimes when it is unavoidable, we must recognize what a severe wounding a bad review can be. It hurts this much because it feels like social rejection. It feels as if the tribe is casting you out and your brain is naturally going to be scared. It’s literally designed to react that way! Don’t shame your brain! If you need to cry or do whatever you do to feel what your feeling: do it!

2. Challenge negative thoughts with facts.

Could there be other possibilities? Is this review really going to be the end of your career? Will no one ever buy your book again because of this? The answer is probably no. Go look up the reviews of some of your favorite authors. Their negative reviews didn’t stop them. Yours doesn’t have to stop you either. You still have your house, your friends, your family, food to eat, clean water to drink. Reassure your brain that this event will not result in your imminent death. It sounds cheesy, but your brain really needs that reassurance sometimes.

3. Spend time with another tribe

This, for me, has probably been the most helpful! If you are feeling rejected from one tribe, find another tribe to fill that void, even if only for a little while. If you need to take a break and spend some time with good friends who support you and build you up, then take it! Spend some time with your critique partners who adore your work. Join an organization where you can connect with like-minded individuals who understand where you are at in your publishing journey. Reach out to other people in the tribe and ask them to remind you that you do indeed have a place. That your voice matters too. That one review will not cast you out forever.

Remember, EVERY author gets negative reviews! Welcome to the tribe! 😊

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” – Teddy Roosevelt